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By now, I have a decade of intense fitness training under my belt. My reputation shines down on me with blissful rays: someone who knows how to get fitness results. I’ve created something of value to the world and it makes me really happy. But even though I’ve seemingly found my fitness stride, more tumultuous waters lie ahead. One day, I notice my abdominal area doesn’t feel normal and it’s obvious something’s wrong. My mom happens to be a doctor, so I go to her for an informal checkup. The news is not good. She suspects that I’ve sustained several internal abdominal injuries and that I would need surgery. Upon formal examination at the hospital, it turns out she’s right. The next few weeks pre-surgery are a mix of shock, disappointment, and coming to terms with what’s happened. This is the last thing I expected. I’m scared to death of surgery. I had hoped I’d go my whole life without ever having surgery. Yet, here I am, at the ripe, old age of 20. I’ve barely lived through 2 decades and my body is already breaking down on me. I start questioning everything. Am I just not cut out to be an athlete? Have I been doing everything wrong this whole time? Or is it just bad luck and out of my control? I don’t have the answer to all these questions, so I simply press on in my fitness journey with a heart full of hope, trying not to think about it too much. Despite all my doubts and fears, time will reveal that this is not the end, but only the beginning of what my body is capable of. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/69a88fa0d63dd23e928b02b9/1790970745386-ES3W8MMUVFRQ0U3XIGVK/unsplash-image-PoO-pMjrP-0.jpg New Page - On the comeback trail The recovery from abdominal surgery is 3 months long and very painful. I can’t bend at the waist very much. I can’t tie my own shoes. I have to have people do simple things for me. The most humbling part is that for the first time in my life, I’m disgusted by my own body. My stomach is swollen and bruised in every color of the rainbow and it will stay that way for a long time. I can’t help but notice the irony: the physique I’d taken so much pride in, I can now barely stand to look at. I’m once again faced with the fragility of the human body, something I thought I’d overcome. All the bad memories come pouring back. The uncertainty of my future as an athlete rings loud and clear. During recovery, there’s only one form of exercise I’m allowed to do—running. But there’s a problem: running was not what I was doing to achieve my results. I’m incredibly scared of losing all the fitness I’ve worked so hard and so long for. Reluctantly, angrily, frustratingly, I switch to running as my main and only workout. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/69a88fa0d63dd23e928b02b9/1790970713424-6VHHJGL4T5ZIGP7FI99X/unsplash-image-PoO-pMjrP-0.jpg New Page - Powering through pregnancy Shortly after reaching my peak fitness, I get some exciting news: I’m expecting a baby. Fast forward a few months, I’m halfway through my pregnancy and things are going well. On the fitness front, I’m excelling. I’m still doing the same runs I was doing pre-pregnancy, still clocking the same advanced-level mile times. My body is showing no signs of stopping or slowing down. Then, I get some unexpected bad news—not for the baby, but for my fitness. I have a low-lying placenta, which means that physical activity is now dangerous. I’m instructed to stop all exercise. This is incredibly frustrating because things have been going so well. What makes it even more disheartening is that 90% of people don’t have this issue and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. How did I end up in the unlucky 10%? Maybe I would’ve gone on to run super fast throughout my whole pregnancy, now I’ll never know. I need to pivot my fitness strategy, fast. I double-down on the healthy eating, knowing I don’t have cardio anymore to burn off extra calories. I take long walks. I try my best to hold onto my fitness level through nutrition. In a few months, there’s a break in the clouds and the sun shines on my training again. My placenta is no longer in the danger zone and I’m cleared to engage in any form of exercise I feel comfortable doing. I start running again, but my decline in fitness hits me like a ton of bricks. Those few months of rest really took their toll—I’m nowhere near my previous mile times. I’m determined to regain as much of my fitness as possible. I get some really challenging runs in and my fitness improves. Within a few months of running, I feel like I’ve gotten as close as I can get to my previous level. I’ve made it over this fitness hurdle and I feel relieved. I think it’ll be the only one, but what I don’t know is that my toughest fight is still ahead. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/69a88fa0d63dd23e928b02b9/1790970745386-ES3W8MMUVFRQ0U3XIGVK/unsplash-image-PoO-pMjrP-0.jpg New Page - The toughest fight yet It’s the end of my pregnancy and I’ve given birth to an amazing baby girl. I’ve made it over the big and small pregnancy-related fitness hurdles and I’m cleared to go back to any kind of exercise. I think it’ll be smooth sailing from here, I just need to get back to my pre-pregnancy fitness. Boy, was I wrong. I throw myself back into my full pre-pregnancy workout routine, I even add an extra run in. I’m running super hard, I’m doing strength training. I’m waiting for results. They’re not coming in. I keep pushing, I keep challenging my body. I’m eating super healthy. The pregnancy weight comes off, but my body composition is way off. Nowhere near what I had pre-pregnancy. I start realizing just how incredibly fit I used to be. I had set a very high fitness bar before pregnancy and I’m struggling to reach it. I now have many more obstacles to my fitness, which I’m trying my best to traverse. I’m balancing my career, my fitness, and a baby at home. The days in the office are long and hard. I’ve been away on maternity leave and there’s a lot to catch up on. Sometimes I’m having to do intense workouts really late at night after work, or really early in the morning before work. My daughter is still not sleeping through the night, so I’m running on about 4 hours of sleep a night this whole time. I question the safety of doing an intense workout while being this sleep-deprived, but luckily the human body is very adaptable. I adapt, it somehow works. I do a hard run. Even when I’ve been awake for almost 48 hours. After a few years of really hard work, I finally start to clock my pre-pregnancy mile times. But I still look very pregnant. I still can’t fit into any of my pre-pregnancy clothes. Something seems wrong. That’s when I find out I have a post-pregnancy condition where my abdominal muscles never came back together like they’re supposed to. It’s not common to still have this issue 2 years after giving birth; another stroke of bad luck. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/69a88fa0d63dd23e928b02b9/1790970713424-6VHHJGL4T5ZIGP7FI99X/unsplash-image-PoO-pMjrP-0.jpg New Page - Abdominal issues strike again I research this condition and the outlook is very bleak. Everyone says that you’ll have a permanent beer belly or “mommy tummy.” That there’s nothing you can do. That you can try physical therapy, but it doesn’t help much. I spend hours, days, weeks, months researching this. I’m desperate to find even one person who would tell me otherwise. Someone who says they overcame this condition and went back to a flat, toned tummy. At least I would have hope. But I don’t find anyone, not even one person. The only way out seems to be surgery. A surgeon can manually put your abs back together. But I’ve had abdominal surgery before and I know how messy and unpleasant it is and I’m not going through that again. At least not if I can help it. At this point I’m incredibly frustrated. I’ve been putting an enormous amount of effort into my fitness for 2 years now and my body doesn’t seem to care. It doesn’t seem to notice. I’m barely seeing any visible results. I know from experience that it takes time, but this is the toughest test yet. I’m on the brink of giving up. I’m angry at my body, livid. Angry at the circumstances. I’m starting to feel like that Linkin Park song: “I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter.” So I stop expecting results and continue the exercise and healthy eating just because it feels like the right thing to do. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/69a88fa0d63dd23e928b02b9/1790970745386-ES3W8MMUVFRQ0U3XIGVK/unsplash-image-PoO-pMjrP-0.jpg New Page - Glimpses of hope I’m now in years 2-3 of fitness training since having a baby and I’m finally noticing visible results. My tummy has shrunk and I’m fitting into more of my pre-pregnancy clothes. It’s not the dramatic progress I wanted, but it’s progress. This gives me some hope. Enough hope to keep going. Skip forward a bit more, it’s now year 3 of fitness training since having a baby. Suddenly, unexpectedly, my intense runs start to feel easy. Too easy. At first, I think it’s some sort of fluke. I just have more energy than usual today. Then, the next workout feels too easy. And the next workout. And the one after that. I realize that my body is ready for a new challenge. I start clocking an even faster mile time. I’m now running the fastest mile I’ve ever been able to run. Then something really unexpected happens. That mile time starts to feel too easy. So I start running an even faster mile. A few weeks later, even that mile time feels too easy. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/69a88fa0d63dd23e928b02b9/1790970713424-6VHHJGL4T5ZIGP7FI99X/unsplash-image-PoO-pMjrP-0.jpg New Page - Surge in fitness Within the same month, I end up breaking my pre-pregnancy mile time record 4 times; each time setting a new record, then breaking it again a few weeks later. I’m running way faster than I ever could before pregnancy. I’m now straddling the advanced and elite levels. Elite is the best of the best. The top 1-10% of fastest recreational runners. I’m so close to the elite level I can just taste it, feel it, smell it. I just have to shave about 10 more seconds off my mile time. I’m determined to do it. A month later, I clock an elite-level mile time for the first time. It’s hard, grueling. It takes every last ounce of strength, endurance, and drive that I have in me. The last quarter-mile is so hard, I feel like I’m going to fall over after I finish. But I finish. That’s the important part. And I don’t fall over. I stand tall and proud. There I am, on a cold, rainy December day, by far the fastest, strongest, fittest athlete I have ever been in my entire life. It’s now been 3.5 years since I’ve given birth. 3.5 years of extremely hard work in the gym, in nutrition. I’m finally seeing the dramatic results I thought would never come. I’m leaner, stronger, fitter than I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve blown all of my pre-pregnancy fitness records out of the water. Not only am I fitting into all my pre-pregnancy clothes, most of them are too big now. I’m fitting into things I was never able to fit into pre-pregnancy. My abs are back and in full force. My tummy is lean and flat, flatter than it was before pregnancy. I beat the odds. All those people who said I’ll never have a flat tummy again were completely wrong. Turns out, I had to be the person to prove it. My abdominal condition is still there, but it’s so minor now that you’d never be able to tell. I never went to physical therapy, I never ended up needing it. Healthy eating and exercise proved more powerful than even a post-pregnancy condition that was supposedly “permanent.”